Remember when I told you about the importance of listening intently and talking in terms of other people’s wants, needs and desires? That is all true for more than 75% of the conversations we have, but there are some conversations which are a beast of their own – where none of the rules apply. You have most likely experienced these conversations; I apologize “Observed” these loud, intense group conversations where you hear people shouting over one another. These conversations usually have the following characteristics:

• Loud, where the conversation topics change frequently and an exciting aura fills the room.
• Many people talking, fewer people listening.
• Interruptions are the norm.
• The conversation volume progressively gets louder as people try to talk over one another.
• Immature, stupid jokes are common and laughter is the main theme.

How to deal with this: Accept that the only point of the conversation is to have fun

These kinds of conversations don’t really have a point, they don’t teach you anything new are not intellectually stimulating and are often inconsiderate. However, they are very important conversations. How can a conversation have no point but still be very important? I’ll tell you how: These conversations create friendships that grow stronger for those individuals that participate in them. All the friends that I have today are my friends because I know that I can say anything to them – without them judging me for it and vice versa. They will laugh at my silly jokes and I – theirs. The only way you can reach to this point is by truly being comfortable with each other. This conformability is created by participating in conversations like the one we are talking about.

Loud Conversations are an Art First, you must accept that you will not have an intellectually stimulating conversation. Therefore, when you say anything – be sure to make your point quickly. People will not wait for you; they will talk over you, make counterpoints while you are in mid-sentence and make jokes that absolutely don’t have anything to do with anything. No matter how frustrating and hard it seems to keep focused, try your best to pay attention and follow the madness.

Take your right to speak Just like a Cheetah does not wait for its prey to come him – you must take your right to speak. This may be sound barbaric and heartless but understand that in the excitement, everybody wants to talk and they’d rather it be them than you.

Change your communications style Adapt, the participants in these conversations usually have a very short attention span.

• Speak loudly, audibly and make your point quickly.
• Speak with the same level of “excitement” as every body else
• Don’t bring down the energy level

These conversations tend to be go in many directions, therefore don’t get stuck on talking about just one thing. Adapt and go with the flow. For example, if the group is talking about Cuba and you want to share a clever point about Cuba that you think the group will find interesting. But, by the time you are about to say something – the conversation is about favorite wing sauces – it is best to talk about your favorite wing sauce rather than Cuba. There are many times when I go into a conversation and the topic is about Social Skills, I am heavily tempted to show “My knowledge and expertise in this area”. However, it makes much better conversation sense to go with the flow and talk about something that enables everyone to get involved. Loud conversations are part of life and if you follow these tips you will find that you might actually enjoy them.

To your success, Ali – The Social Grump